When Will Enough Be Enough?

The Mental Health Message | By Dr. Porsha Dodson

I find myself constantly reflecting on the next move, next step, next goal, next best thing. I had to stop myself and ask when will enough be enough. This challenge isn't just for you, it's for all of us. As a therapist, I am not above introspection and the need for adjustment.. which is why I'm heavily engaged in my own therapy with a psychologist. So let's highlight some questions we can ask ourselves as we move into a season of new energy. The holiday season can bring on a lot more than we ever desire or can leave us feeling very unfulfilled. These questions and thoughts will put into perspective that you have enough, you are enough, you are doing enough, and without adding anything, you stand for enough.

When I'm feeling like taking on something new, is this a distraction from what I have on my plate today, or am I seeking validation in areas that I think go unrecognized?

When problems or issues arise, I look out to the world to solve my issue or rebuild me? Is my expectation that others need to fill my cup because I have yet to realize I need to look within?

Do I often feel resentful after volunteering to help or to support others because I'm not appreciated for my efforts? Are the things I'm doing for others really for me? Is this about my need to feel seen or my need to feel valued?

Have I stopped and taken inventory lately on where I am today? What has it taken to get to this place? Can I see the difference between where I was last year to where I am today? Have I given myself credit for where I am today? Why aren't these steps forward, no matter how few, seen as progress?

After answering some of the questions, I hope you can see what I'm getting at here. You don't need to add anything to your life to feel satisfied… you need to look within to figure out what's internally missing and start there. Accomplishments are great! Progress is amazing! But until we identify that itch inside of us that prevents us from ever feeling satisfied … nothing that you add will ever be enough. "I'll be happy when I lose weight," "I'll be happy when I meet someone," "I'll feel ok when I make more money" Let's be honest here. No, you will not. You will feel happy when you realize that happiness is not an achievement but satisfaction in knowing you have everything you need. You are enough.

Be well

What is YOUR Truth?

The Mental Health Message | By: Dr. Porsha Dodson

With so many streams of stimulation in our age it can be hard to live a life that reflects your own personal choices. Influence is all around us and it can be hard to decipher what pace or lane we should be going at given the reflection of other people’s lives in our peer group. We see others running a fast race, which is often interpreted as successful, or a really slow race that looks peaceful and calm or Sometimes unfulfilled. We judge ourselves on the standard of what other people are doing… and we have social media to blame for most of this. We watch moms have babies and “snap” right back and we watch others smile while managing multiple streams of income and two children. We see some people in a different city every other month, sipping cool drinks by the beach and we wonder how? We can sometimes feel a tinge of disappointment rise up from our gut as we think about that trip we’ve been meaning to take or that business we once had an idea for but never started.

The stimulation doesn’t stop there as we often see images of our own people being hunted by the police varied with gossip filled celebrity stories. All leaving us to wonder about our own purpose and if you are doing enough….

Simply put: the life that you have created is beautiful without the validation of a story post and subsequent likes. The life that you currently have has twists and turns that are unlike anyone else’s story… but when you accompany that life with the stimulation of social media and television you can find yourself confused. Overstimulation is a presentation of more sensations, activities, influences, and overall input than what we can cope with. This overstimulation can blur the lines of individuality and cause you to feel drained as you try to navigate your own twists and turns. Your little voice inside is pushing you to eat better, work smarter, exercise more, be more fashionable, be smaller, save more, vacation more, hair care this and that, and just just… be more.

Let me say this here and now. Life is a process and a journey. The life you have should be centered on you and your interests, goals, and dreams. The life you have should reflect you. Otherwise we find ourselves in a race that doesn’t have a finish line, jumping from race to race trying to win a win that will never come. My challenge for you this month is to turn down the excess stimulation. Put the phone and the computer down at night. Reflect on where you are and where you want to be. Start to take steps at accepting the space you’re in. Loving the process can be hard but we are clear about where we are going and we understand that there is no other place we would rather be.

Social media can curate a life for us that is reflective of everyone else’s values and marketing strategies. Let’s live a life curated by you. A life you can calmly navigate with the influences that best match your background and the path of your future.

Affirmation for the month: I am doing the best to be the captain of my own ship. I know what is best for me and I am headed in the right direction.

Be well.

Too much of a good thing?

The Mental Health Message | By: Dr. Porsha Dodson

You know that phenomenon where we find ourselves engulfed in a good thing and start to experience nervousness or fear about whether this “good thing” is too good to be true. What follows is usually some sort of experiment where we test out that “good thing” to see if it really is exactly what we hope it is. This my friends is called self-sabotage.

We never imagined that we could be so deserving and worthy of good things at times, so we challenge all notions of something new and sometimes we are exactly right.. the new thing is just that.. new but not better. Other times when we challenge that “good thing” we ruin the opportunity right in front of us with our own behavior only to feel terrible about losing that good new thing. Sometimes we don’t acknowledge that it was our own behavior that ruined our chances at love, a new job or a new life. So, we blame others. We buy stock in the belief that some things are just too good to be true or that we aren’t deserving of good things.

As a clinician, I notice this exact thing happens in therapy! Therapy feels great at first. You find yourself sharing and connecting with another person and seeing life in a new way. Those feelings of trust and vulnerability can feel like too much of a good thing and we can find ourselves finding every excuse to avoid the path ahead. The healing path.

What first can feel great can be triggering and remind of relationships that haven’t planned or situations where we felt unseen and, in an effort to protect we may run. We will say to ourselves I’m better now, after 4 sessions, I don’t need therapy after all. This is also a form of self-sabotage. We need consistency in our lives and, in order to see it through we must push past the limits of our past and challenge ourselves. You do deserve all good things and in order to live in your fullness, you have to accept and stay present in the good times and in the more challenging times. The growth is hidden in between those spaces.

Be well.