The Positive Parent

First Teachers

March 2022

By: Jamare Harris

“You are your child(ren)’s first teacher.” I know that this is said a lot. This is said to first time parents, people who are thinking about becoming parents and people who are having a difficult time parenting… We say it all of the time. But, how many of us live it? Let’s be honest, how many of us actually live what we say or what we teach our child(ren)? Many of us might say that we try. I know that it can be difficult to actually have to take our own advice and be an example to someone 24/7 but this is the part of the job description that they leave out. You have little people looking at your every move, constantly. And one day, if it hasn’t started already, they will begin to critique you, call you out on your stuff and question whether or not they truly have to do what you say from watching what you do, or, don’t do.

I had to learn this lesson super early being a preschool teacher. There was no way that I was going to survive leading twenty, 4 year olds if I didn’t walk the walk. I am so grateful that I was afforded the opportunity to be an educator before a parent. I was afforded that opportunity and trust me, I still get it wrong! Thankfully, parenting is a lesson in itself. It’s about trial and error and a lot of sincere apologizing. It is communicating with your child(ren) being open, honest and vulnerable. Parenting is about working with and not against your child(ren) who are your partners in this journey.

Exhibiting all of those attributes in front of your child(ren) will show them how to be, how to navigate this world. You are not perfect. That is not the goal. They will also follow the not so desirable things that we do- so be mindful! You get out of parenting what you put in. Children do as you DO not as you SAY! You want your child(ren) to conduct themselves in a certain way? Be their example, be their teacher. Begin to show up in ways that you desire them to show up. The key is to lead by example. Be gentle with yourselves. Be gentle with your child(ren).

There is a lot of undoing that has to happen as we strive to be conscious parents. Be patient with the process. Hold space for mistakes. And forgive yourself for what you didn’t know when you didn’t know it.

Until next time. Stay positive parents!

The Positive Parent

January 2022

Mistaken Behaviors in Young Children

By: Jamare Harris

Mistaken behavior is what we like to call the iceberg in the early childhood education world. Oftentimes, a child is exhibiting an undesirable behavior that appears to be about one thing but is actually about a larger issue underneath the surface. Typically, this larger issue is manageable. However, unaddressed, this issue seems like a huge deal.

Does your child fall apart at what seems to be the smallest things? Do they have a hard time transitioning? Conflict with authority? Then this is for you! As a parent, you are going to have to stop and analyze what is really going on with your child(ren). What time of the day is it when they are presenting these behaviors? How well are they sleeping? What does their diet look like? What does their screen time look like? We have to remember that we are a living being. If you took a plant, never gave it sunlight, never watered it, threw trash on and around it, it wouldn’t survive. Your children are plants! What we put in them, comes out. So, we have to be intentional about their environments, their nutrition, their rest, what they’re absorbing through games, TV and, ultimately, us as their parent(s).

We also have to be mindful of what triggers them. If you know that every night before bed, your child(ren) kicks and screams because they’re not ready, why aren’t we prompting them? Give your child(ren) who has hard times transitioning a heads up, a plan. Additionally, have a plan for the plan. I know that this sounds kind of overwhelming, I get it. But what’s more overwhelming is ignoring the behaviors until they’re out of control.

Involve your child(ren) who have big emotions in your day, in their day. Give them some agency over their bodies, schedules and emotions. Give them a place to display these emotions when you have nothing left in your toolbox. Dig deep parents. Dig deep and look underneath the surface. Look at the whole iceberg.

Until next time. Stay positive parents!

Self-Regulation for the Young Child

The Positive Parent | By Jamare Harris

December 2021

Self-regulation is one of the most important tools that you can possess. Where do we learn self-regulation? one might ask; we learn it as a child. You learn it by watching and absorbing the adults in your life. Particularly your parents.

You don’t just wake up one day as an adult and suddenly know how to self-regulate. It’s a practice, a tool that is built over time…or not. Think of your child(ren) as a toolbox. If the toolbox is empty, you will be ill-equipped when it’s time to do a job. However, if you build your toolbox, you will have something to pull from to fix the problem when issues arise. Does that make sense?

We need to provide our child(ren) with options for what they can do when they’re angry, sad, disappointed, or even stressed. Come up with ways that they can manage these big emotions so that when they do, in fact, have them, go to a tool instead of undesirable behavior that doesn’t meet their needs.

In addition to building your child(ren)’s toolbox, you have to be their example. Believe it or not, they look at what you do daily and absorb that information intentionally and unintentionally. How you react to situations, people and problems is how they will respond to situations, people, and problems. Showing them how to problem solve, take a break, and manage their emotions will help them immensely when it comes to self-regulation.

Having an emotionally healthy parent who is showing them how to work through what they’re going through will build their toolbox. We are all going to go through things in life. We want to make sure that we are preparing our children for when that time comes instead of sheltering them and trying to protect them from the inevitable.

Let’s show our children that they are capable of working through big emotions and adversity. Let’s provide them with the tools to be successful. That is how we support them. That is how we raise emotionally intelligent children and in turn an emotionally intelligent society.

Until next time. Stay positive parents!